My sleep is filled with images that I can barely remember, the hunger... the desire.. the need. I wake covered in sweat but do not feel additional loss from it. As a walk through my day my dreams haunt me. They tease me with a memory and then quickly fade away. I struggle to remember more than just feint images and a feeling.. a nudge of some sort. Then it is gone.
I have never been one to loose control of my emotions, but lately I have felt the control slipping. My anger is quick to rise and other times I feel extreme euphoria. I feel a certain anxiety sweep over me as I loose my focus.
After speaking with my guardian, it seems my father may be around. I am unsure how I feel about this. I have not ever known him, yet I fear him. He is a monster and gave me this condition. He forced me into a life of fear and horrible choices. He is no father.. if it is true.. I will sever any ties that remain.
None of this helps that there is someone out there watching us. I have done what I know to prevent his contact, but he is still out there. Jim has talked to him. I hope that he has not given away any information, or brought us more danger.
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